I didn’t grow up in a terrible household as a child. I wasn’t neglected by my mother, or bullied in school. But I was an alcoholic that didn’t yet have the tools on how to cope with my thoughts or succeed in life. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough and at 15 turned to alcohol to give me the illusion I was. I was 18 years old the first time I moved out of my mother’s house to be with my addict boyfriend. It was then I began my cycle of moving and being kicked out of homes from ages 18 to 24. I didn’t keep the same roof over my head for more than four or five months at a time. I was an alcoholic in denial who couldn’t become organized.
Even though I had been in and out of several rehabs and sober living homes, I couldn’t get more than 90 days clean and sober time because I didn’t want to accept that I truly was an alcoholic. I did what most addicts do, drink and do drugs into the wee hours of the night, incapable of working the next day. I got two DUI’s by the time I was 21, had been in and out of jail, and was digging myself a huge hole into depression with little self-worth. When I was 24, I was still surviving in that cycle and I was getting kicked out of my rented room again so I convinced a man who I knew for about a year to let me move in with him. I moved into his LA apartment in hopes of beginning a new chapter and starting fresh. After two weeks of emotional torture from him, I moved out and into another sober living since that was my only option. Not long after moving in there, I found out I was pregnant. The owner of the sober living home told me if I were to keep the baby I couldn’t stay there. I wasn’t speaking to the man in LA and I had burned all the other bridges in my life. I truly had nowhere to turn. I knew my baby was a girl the moment I found out I was pregnant, and even though I had no clue how to live life even on my own, I knew there was no chance I could have an abortion. I called my mom and broke the news to her. She was understandably nervous for my future and the one of my unborn child. Even though my mom and I were on speaking terms, there was no way I could move in with her. I was not a trustworthy person at that time and had put her on an emotional rollercoaster for the previous eight years because of my addiction. We were on speaking terms, but the option of moving in with her had long gone because of all the other times I had done it unsuccessfully. She mentioned a place called Casa Teresa and I called right away. I had an interview with Susan and fell in love with the place. I walked in the front doors and undeniably felt God’s presence there. Miraculously, I was accepted two weeks after into the parenting program at 12 weeks pregnant. Casa Teresa is more than a shelter. The mission of all the staff is to love you back to your true self, and become the best version of yourself. I wanted that. After getting 90 days sober there, I could see that my actions my whole entire life were not normal and accepted that I was an alcoholic that needed recovery. I took my sobriety serious for the first time and really leaned on the staff for encouragement. Throughout my pregnancy and stay at Casa, my self-esteem was built up along with the drive to succeed. Casa Teresa staff always treated me the way all people should be treated. With love, compassion, and kindness. I never felt like I was being punished for being in the position I was in, homeless and pregnant. Rather, I felt uplifted and better than I ever had before. They believed in me the whole time I lived there from the moment I moved in until I began to believe in myself. With my newfound confidence, I could get some life goals accomplished. I got my court fines dismissed, allowing me to get my driver’s license back after four years of not having one and soon after I got a car. I completed drug and alcohol counseling at Mariposa that Casa Teresa funded. My relationships with my family members greatly improved. They offered me patience when I sometimes tried to fight the process. They provided classes on improving emotional health, spiritual health, nutrition classes, self-esteem classes, group sessions with the irreplaceable Dr. Pugh, one-on-one Case Management, tons of free clothing and diapers, and resources to outside programs for housing and other assistance. But most importantly I had the ability to take the much-needed time out to become a strong woman for my daughter and myself. I know there would be no way I could work and take care of a newborn baby on my own in the real world. Living at Casa Teresa allowed me the time to care for my daughter and myself, to where I could be successfully independent. I lived at Casa Teresa through all three programs and moved out right before my daughters second birthday. I am forever grateful to God for bringing me Ava, He saved my life by bringing me her. There is no way I would be the mother I am today if I was not sober and if I didn’t have the time at Casa Teresa to work on myself. After Ava was born, I began working low paying, part-time jobs and slowly worked my way up to the position I am in today that is more than I ever dreamed I could be in, making a great salary that has fully gotten me off all county aid and any other assistance programs I once was so lucky to have had. I live in my own apartment that’s a place I enjoy coming home to and that Ava has had the stability to live in for the past 2-½ years. Since being sober I had thousands of dollars in unpaid tickets dismissed in court by taking the required actions. I have a reliable car as well as money in a savings account. But beyond all the material things I didn’t once have, and most importantly, I have peace in my heart and serenity in my mind. It's been a slow process to get where I am at today, but I wouldn’t take back any of the struggle. To say my life today is a miracle is an understatement; I am a completely different person than who I was in my early 20's. I feel like I'm back to my true self, which was masked for so long by my disease. And for today, God has removed any desire for me to drink or use and by his grace and my determination, I will have six years sober in September. I still visit Casa Teresa and they always help to remind me how blessed I am and how far I have come. They are and always will be some of my biggest supporters. My mom has become my best friend again and our bond is stronger than ever. My brother, who once couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me before I was sober, is also one of my closest friends. That once broken relationship has been fully repaired and we see each other very often. There are no words to express how grateful and happy I am to have those relationships today, and that Ava can grow up being just as close to her Uncle and Grandma. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for Ava and me in our future.
1 Comment
tresses rubio
5/14/2017 10:10:12 am
so blessed for u , prayers saved my dauter also,thank God for casa teresa,and all they have done for woman n recovery
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